Wednesday, July 25, 2012
This tide of children and training and activities and progress will continue to go out until it is just Paul and me. Is it bad that I look forward to those days? WIthout diminishing how much I have enjoyed my motherhood, I really love being alone with Paul. Sometimes, in the evening while the kids are busy with one screen or another, we end up outside by the pool, with our feet in the water talking about things. We plan the future, we laugh at stupid situations we've gotten ourselves into, we talk about spiritual things, all of it includes just us. It makes me happy. I look forward the time when it is always just the two of us.
As the children need me less and I look into the years ahead. I am more and more excited to do many of the things I put off because of money/time/energy. It seems like all during our marriage I was always missing one of those components I needed to start a long term project. I think that is why I liked quilting. I could start on a quilt and work on it here and there and then put it away for years even, then I could get it out and start right where I left off. Quilting has been such a good creative outlet for me and it has been the conduit to some of the most satisfying opportunities and deepest friendships of my life.
Over the years there were a zillion things that sounded fun or challenging or interesting to me and I've been envious of people who seemed to be fitting it all in. It is gratifying to be in a place where all those things are real possibilities, and within my reach.
I think about owning a business with Paul. We've talked about many things over the years; a hunting lodge, a restaurant, a local sporting event or race, another quilt store or maybe a surf shop. How about a store called 'Surf and Sew'?
I think about taking classes and becoming more proficient at some of things that I really like to do but am not as educated as I want to be, for example photography, gardening, and writing. I wonder if I should work for a degree or or not. Should I sit in a classroom or is practical experience a better way for me to learn?
Thinking about traveling with Paul makes me the most happy. There are so many things I want to see. Ever since I learned about explorers in history, I've wanted to sail around Cape Horn. That sounds so scary and adventurous! I'd love to see the Northern Lights and scuba dive off the coast of Guam. India has always captured my imagination, so has Tibet. I hope I get to continue to go to NYC with Regina every year. Goodness, on the subject of travel and this wonderful world we live in, I could go on and on.
A few months ago I had a good talk with Jared. During the conversation he asked me, "What do you want to learn all this for? Where do you want to be at the end?" I think about that all the time.
Where do I want to be at the end? Hmmm.
The tide hasn't gone out yet, Gloria just turned 10, but it is exhilarating to think about all the possibilities out there waiting for me.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Friday, June 1, 2012
I just dropped Dan and Sara off at the church for a three day youth retreat. At home today it is just Gloria and me. Because Pauly is working so much, this weekend will mostly include just Paul, Gloria and me. Okay I lied back there, I didn't just drop them off, I left the keys to the truck in the van and Pauly took it to work so I had to call someone to come and get them. Ugh! Am I ever going to get it together??
When that rope is snipped, that is when when I always felt my work really started.
I look at this weekend as an opportunity for Paul and me to soak Gloria with all the attention that was once showered on Robin. She's parched. This opportunity is a good thing, another reason to be thankful. But the tide is unrelenting and even though I know they will be back on Saturday, I am watching as Dan and Sara distance themselves just a little more than they did before I dropped . . . before they left on their excursion.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
The first half of my senior year I lived with my Uncle Mark and Aunt Robin. I attended El Dorado High School in Placerville, California and while I was there I was cast in a play called ‘The Dining Room’. My Grandma and Grandpa Stanley drove from San Carlos to see me in the play.
At one point in the visit we all stood in the driveway talking. Mark and Robin, Grandma and Grandpa Stanley and me. I think Aaron was running around chasing a ball or something.
My grandpa stood next to me. While everyone talked my grandpa took a small step toward me and nudged me with his hip. It was a small movement; I don’t think anyone else even noticed. I didn’t look at him but I smiled and nudged him back. He smiled and he didn’t move away from me. We stood there a little closer to each other and listened to the others until we all went into the house.
I don't remember Grandpa Stanley ever being any more demonstrative than that, except maybe for a quick hug when we arrived for or departed from, our annual visits.
It might seem unimportant but that moment shaped me. In that moment, I knew my grandfather knew me and kept track of me, I knew he loved me and we both knew that we belonged to each other.